The Midnight News 7.09.01
Posted By Hyatte on 07.09.01
RAW, When she won't leave you alone, New Plans for WCW, RVD, Daddy Flair, CRZ, a burn victim, a PACKED Message Board segment, and America steps up.
So, you decide to dump your girlfriend, right? She talks some trash on you, so you talk some trash on her. Since she was a lousy lay and was more into what you could do for her, you trash her quite a bit. She's obviously hurt. her little bitty heart all broken and rejected. Most of her friends started to ignore her because you showed them what a loser she is. Especially when sher talks about your OTHER ex-girlfriends.... who may or may not have even EXISTED?
Then things die down. You start to move on.... when she calls you and leaves a big message on your machine about how you two can make up and be friends again. You aren't interested. So you re-play the message to a few mutual friends and you all goof on her, but you don't call her back and instead, make a few light, passing references to the message to everyone you talk to.
Well, she freaks out and tries to re-kindle the war.... because she suddenly has a lot more to say. even though just a few weeks earlier she was publicly kissing your ass about how you are rocking in your new job and how you really kicked ass. Now all that's gone as she's back to talking about how lame you REALLY are with nonsense proof that only she and she alone sees as evidence. What do you do? What do you do?
Easy. Since her only supporters are the few who didn't like you to begin with, you laugh it off with all the mutual friends who are just as amazed at the lameness of her actions and how a girl who was once known for her sense of humor can suddenly become so self-concerned and sensitive. And you go on. Finally, it's over. I don't want to be with you anymore baby.... find someone new. Stop acting like the jilted bitch I pegged you for months ago. That's how you deal with her.
Oh, I'm Chris, by the way. Let's roll.
RUBBING THE MAGIC MY-BALLS
Sources (well, every site worth a hoot) tell me that tonight's Raw from Atlanta, GA. (Hmm, is there some sort of wrestling connection to Atlanta that I should know about?) will feature DDP vs Shane McMahon in a Streetfight tonight. Shane McMahon is no pushover and will NOT stand for any insubordination, so DDP will have to PAY DEARLY!!!!
Given Page's rep for brown nosing.... well.... don't be surprised if Shane makes him braid his hair afterwards.
The WWF is promoting this and Shane's Final FINAL WWF match. He takes on Bagwell on Smackdown in the Really Final Final WWF Match.
Ah, and Lita and Trish will tag against Stacey and Torrie in a Bra & Panties Match too. But who would care about THAT? Girls? BLEH!
SPREADING THE WEALTH
The big story comes from the Torch newsletter. It seems that all plans the WWF had at making WCW a totally separate entity has been abandoned. No, they still plan on running a separate show, but they are going to go the "mix and match" route.
Basically, they will take both rosters and divide up the talent as equally as possible. So, the Rock, DDP, and Triple H would work for WCW while Stone Cold, The Undertaker, and Booker T will work in the WWF... (just as an example).
Theoretically, if a major star in one company gets injured, they can pull a star from the other company (hopefully, all things being equal, the other company's roster will be full and relatively healthy) that is top-heavy with talent and not miss a beat.
Obviously, this isn't McMahon's first option, it's well documented that his vision was to create two completely separate companies, but seeing how poorly received this "Invasion" angle has been as of late, and how low the star wattage of WCW's talent is. Really, he has little to no choice here.
Personally, it's a good deal for the talent. This helps eliminate the odds of a big talent (Raven, Lance Storm) being lost in the "shuffle" of a talent thick single company. With two nicely proportioned companies, it gives the mid-carders more potential to shine. This also will help stop the inevitable "WCW=The Minor Leagues" situation that would have probably happened.
This is all terribly exciting to me. I'm all tingly inside.... in a good way... not in a "Why am I watching Queer As Folk and getting aroused?" way. Now all they need to do is bite the bullet and give Ric Flair a buttload of money to bring his flabby boobs back on air. Come on Vince, ya' cheap bastard... do what's right!
FOR THOSE KEEPING SCORE...
Flair has twenty months left on his contract. PWBTS.com says that he's willing to go to work for the new WCW, but if the price isn't right... he'll sit.... 20 months isn't that long, but Flair is a borderline Senior Citizen.
FIX THE DAM VAN, ROB
While I'm at it, PWBTS.com also says that Rob Van Dam is signed by the WWF but cannot compete for a couple of weeks. He has to have a complete physical before the law would allow him to wrestle in the US. Plenty of time to get any toxins out of his system.
WELL, THAT'S ONE WAY TO GET HEAT!!
Maybe you heard that a wrestler was severely burned at an XPW show over the weekend.. The guy's name is Supreme. There is a pretty, sort of graphic shot of the guy after the accident
right here.
Now, I ask you... what's the point of playing with fire unless you're at Church? Come ONNN.
My boys at A1 fired up this pic.... heh heh heh... ho ho ho.... HA HA HAAAAA
VAGUE CRZ AOL MESSAGE TO ME OF THE WEEK
There I was, commiserating on the balls-out acting talents of Haley Joel Osmond with Robert Berry (oh and we laughed about one or two other topics too... heh) when out of nowhere....
"It's easier to stay on caffeine than to endure the headaches."
Ten minutes later, just as I was about to sign off for the night....
"I'm buying all the Pet Shop Boys re-releases - does that make me gay?"
And then he signed off.... leaving me to wonder... what could he mean? And were ALL his recaps like this?
Oh, and today, now is the Two Year Anniversary of his own web site. I will be taking part of it with a little something I'll cook up as soon as I get a spare moment. Chances are, it'll be nice and nasty. That's all I'll ever say about it.... so you'll just have to bookmark the site and keep an eye out for me.
BUT, PLUGS!
There's this wrestling show on MTV called Tough Enough. Well, Tom Daniels didn't recap that one. He DID manage to squeeze in a recap of
Sunday Night Heat that will ROCK YOUR WORLD.... or at least pebble your personal space. You need to know everything that happens with wrestling. I know this. Tom does too. Go.
I got the 411 Showcase Commentary going again. This week, Greg Hazen gets the spot with a thoughtful piece on a part of televised Wrestling that has vanished in the 90's. It's an excellent article that managed to stay fresh even after sitting in my mailbox for a month. It'll take you back.
I got on a huge jaunt and banged out TWO editions of And Another Thing. I figured that it's been a while and the subject matter for both was pretty timely. They are two distinctly different articles. The first is called The Champion and the other is called If Joanie Only Knew. I hope you enjoy them, or at least one of them.
Either one of them, or both, will show up on
The Smarks.com too. Or, perhaps, neither. Still, I encourage you to check that site out for more commentary and news. No pop-ups there, either... unless you hit their forum.
No wrestler web site to have fun with. Instead, let us continue on with more important things... such as BITCHSLAPPING CANADA!!!!!!
AMERICA COUNTERS!!!!
Man, those Canadians are some violent fu**ers. Give them an intelligent argument about why we RULE them and they come back with "Come up to Canada and we'll see how tough you are," or whatever. Then they rant about beer. That's the way to save the national honor. Beer. Lots of beer. Yes, we are Canada and we rule because of beer. Get a non-alcoholic pride you hockey playing dorks. It's like the 80's never died in Canada.
I keep noticing that everyone is bringing up our "failure" in Vietnam. Canadians are nothing more than diluted mutt French people. And if I recall correctly, the French got their tails kicked in Vietnam years before we got ours kicked. They turned tail and ran out of their faster than we did. And speaking of French...hello...Blitzkrieg! Yeah, they put up a fight against Germany. And when I say put up a fight. I mean wet their pants and cried. You've seen the famous picture of the Frenchman crying on the streets while the German army rolled through the streets of Paris. Yeah, Canadians. A noble breed. Save your money. If you want to take a trip to see the mountains, go to Colorado. It smells better there.
Chris Maggio
Hey, remind them that Britain/Russia/FRANCE were getting their asses handed to them in BOTH WWI and WWII until we got involved. And WWI was over within 8 months of our involvement which was lightning speed back then. Let's rename Canada "Land of the Moose-blowers" just to piss them off. I mean... hey, they've got a beer called Moosehead!
This is f**king nonsense... I sure hope what you put up in the Midnight News wasn't representative of all mail you got from us Canadians. Christ, anti-Americanism is just Canadian form of racism, and I hate it. Almost everyone my age seems to think that Americans are all scum, all thw while wearing American clothing, listening to American musicians, and seeing American movies. Hell, Canada doesn't even MAKE movies... no good ones, anyway. I try to point out that if ANY country that fought with the Allies hadn't been around, we would've been fu**ed over pretty bad, and that includes the States. Seriously, like I said, it's basically racism. It kind of shames me, almost enough that I might want to move to the States.
Ahh, someone who knows the TRUTH! WHO SEES THE LIGHT!!!! A Canadian who admits shame towards his homeland! You call him Judas, I call him WANNABE!
Finally. Get comfy, because we got us a jammed packed edition of....
ACROSS THE BOARDS
In order of appearance, not to mention quote dominance.... 411, CRZ, The Shooters, The Smarks, DVD, and TOA. Here we go...
"Did 411 hold a secret "Less Enough" contest to pick a new writer for the site? Who are you related too, Widro or Ashish? It's probably not your fault, 411 has shown the tendency to put the wrong person in the wrong job. (ie: see the Mods.)"
"Internet douchebags who constantly mention their girlfriend and/or that THEY ARE/WERE SO DRUNK. Need to be herded up and have their jaws shattered...Man those guys annoy me. Oh yeah accept Chris Hyatte who is my lord and savior."
"Small minds like yours never accomplish anything. You're supposed to mimic success not watch it over at some other guys site."
"Hate to say this, but if your such a stud why do you have to beg the webmaster to make a dating service. Man, get yourself a real girlfriend."
"Can we all stop acting like we have girlfriends? And just get back to talking wrestling."
"X-Pac = God (prepares for flamedom)"
"Why cant I say that Sara is ugly...my last post was taken off...for some reason...i consider her not pretty at all...yeah im jealous...but i wouldnt shag her if i was blind drunk....and in the interview that taker and his wife did on smackdown...taker didnt seem to be very happy with the little wifey for taking all the credit....hmmmmmm"
"ECW? come on! the WCW and ECW combined couldnt beat the Federation! I mean the ECW had Justin Credible as a champ!"
"Booker and Buff put on a regular wrestling match and not a typical WWF bump-o-rama. It is rude as hell to chant "boring" and "this match sucks" at guys who are risking their lives just to entertain you and make a living. The people who chanted that stuff showed just how much class they had, which is none."
"This sounded funny. But I've heard that the WWF is probably gonna have the mole be Bradshaw. They have been thinking of breaking up APA for a while, and they think this will be the way. I hope not, but rumor has it that it may be. Another possibility was Justin Credible, but they think they are gonna go with Bradshaw."
"The mole is Billy Gunn! Just think about it. I'll leave you think now."
"I noticed actual subliminal stuff happening on tnn. There were little blips happening on my screen while watching RAW. I had taped it so I put it in slow motion at the spot where I saw the blip. It was a split second shot of 'The Dukes of Hazzard'."
"we'll stop bitching if you stop bitching about us bitching. because if you stopped bitching about us bitching we wouldn't have to bitch about you bitching about us bitching."
"Truth be told, I don't know who could be the next superstar... maybe the WWF can contract Sharkboy."
"Everyone knows Pat Patterson is gay, which is why he can never be a babyface for more than a week or two."
"Back to Billy Gunn, I don't think he's ever going to be the "One", but maybe the the "Billy Bitchcakes" name will catch on. I think he should feud with Lex Luger, a has-been against a never-was. Or they could become a tag team called "Not Quite"."
"I have plenty of time to come up with cute and witty comebacks to make each and everyone of you seem like the feeble minded peons that you will back up with your dimwitted responses."
"The WWF owns the rights for NWO, The Four Horsemen and others. Can you imagine a reformation of a horseman unit on WWF T.V. or the NWO with say H.B.K in charge? Now that's excitement. All I know is the first time I see a WWF wrestler on RAW flash the four horseman sign I'm marking"
"I say we elect Pat Buchanan, close the borders tight and sit back in our lazy boy's watching the rest of the world become a wasteland. Only problem is that jerk off would take porn off the internet.....scratch that ideal."
"Who is this Hyatte guy you are referring to?I'm Canadian....and it seems like i should know about him from your comments in this thread."
"I dunno....I and all those with me laughed our asses off at the end of the show, which to me was a minor miracle since I was nearly suicidal after sitting through that nightmare of a match between Booker and the guy with the calf implants."
"Believe it or not I think the much easier thing to do than going to 1wrestling.com is just going to 411wrestling.com or some other not as big site and it will just give you the important news from 1wrestling.com and you don't have to deal with those annoying pop ups"
"My big thing with Ryder and his band of cronies is their entire lack of professionalism. A few weeks back they made a comment that their site wasn't done by "kids after school" -- but the news there is the same quality! :-)"
"I mean, give me a break! You've got Dave Scherer cribbing the Ross Report every week, Buck Woodward and Ryder himself swiping news from the Meltzer. All of this begs the question, WHY IN GOD'S NAME is (Bob Ryder) paying both Woodward and Scherer a full time wage to post this tosh?"
I think they were doing the restholds 'cause the crowd seem preoccupied with something else going on in the arena. Kinda makes sense... After all, if those tools aren't gonna watch, f**k em, HIT THE CHINLOCK"
"Wow, I can just see Ted Turner standing outside of WCW in a big top hat, goofy glasses, and a rainbow colored suit saying, 'Hurry, Hurry, Hurry! Everything must go! 50, 60, 75 percent off and more! Why? Because we're craaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyy!!!'"
"AOL must be run by geniuses. They have the general public convinced that their Internet service doesn't suck."
"It is the hummer driver! It is finally going to all make sense! You heard it here first!"
"(concerning Kane), imagine you've grown up scarred, bloody, parentless, and sheltered from the world by this paleface who was not-so-secretly banging your mother. THEN imagine that suddenly you have the power to melt clocks and set people wearing absestos suits on fire. THEN imagine that your brother thought he was Satan for a while there. Wouldn't YOU have a little trouble finding Christ in your life?!?"
"The obvious question here is: Where would Albert find a Yarmuckle (sp?) to fit an 8 3/8 inch head?!"
"What the hell are you even talking about. DDP has had the worst hair in wrestling for as long as I can remember. I think it's part of the reason it took him so long to get over. That guy is white trash to the T."
"Wait, I have the perfect analogy: TNN feels like a guy whoring out his wife. Sure, he loves the money, but it's not exactly something he can brag about when friends and family get together.
What is that stupid phone number, I'll call it and tell them what mothers**tters they are, the WWF put them on the map...and now we're gonna loose RAW probably because they don't want to be the wrestling network."
"Watching Test wrestle is like eating a bread sandwich. It could be the bast damn bread in the world, and you can talk about all the potential it has to be a great sandwich by adding things to it, but in the end, it's still just a bread sandwich."
"Anyone else notice Angle's facial expression during Stone Cold's segments. Man, he oversold EVERYTHING! Those facial expression were definitely Steve Regal style. As for Cowboy Kurt, forget the medals, sell the hat! That hat was funy as hell. Sure, I could get one at meijer in the kids section, but I want a WWF official Kurt Angle Cowboy hat. Now that would rule."
"Gregory Helms. It just does'nt sound as cool as Shane Helms."
"Shane was 'Sugar' Shane Helms, so does that make 'Granola' Gregory? 'Golden Graham' Gregory?"
"If you want to score some points with the only people that matter around here, be sure to kiss the asses of the various 'Malenkos' that you will encounter."
"X-Pac needs to cut his hair, shave, lose the spandex, and come out sober. At that point he'd be a decent enough wrestler. On the few occasions when he's wrestled in a non-stoned condition, he's been pretty good."
"I think X-Pac is ok. He doesn't blow moves too often, and plays to the crowd without getting ANY extended promo"
"Do u know what? Scott Keith is stupid"
"The 'people' here at the DVDVR are fat bastards in lucha masks using too many tildes and wasting their money buying imported wrestling videotapes when they could be spending it on rent and stuff while moving out of their parents` houses." Of course, I could be WRONG about this, but it won`t stop me from saying it, because my opinion is right and yours is wrong."
"You really would be better off just walking away. Coming onto someone else`s board to try to slap them around is something only an idiot does."
"You have No Life. Even Scott Keith, the man you treat your Mastorbatory Fantasies to, manages to have a life..Why Can't you?"
"The sheer amount of detail you were able to put forth as it pertains to the facets of "Boy Meets World" scares me. It scares me a lot. *shudder*"
"Fred Savage has always been, and will always be the superior Savage."
"Does the introduction of Sara Undertaker effectively kill any return of the Lord of Darkness? It would be kind of crass if the Lord of Darkness has a wife accompanying him to ringside. But then maybe they could add some Kids of Darkness as well and have a whole family. Kinda like Doink and the Dinks."
"you guys can complain all you want...i do too, i admit it...but we will always go crawling back to Vinny Mac every week to see the crap he continues to churn out....so let's all chill the f**k out and watch and see what he has in store...like we ALWAYS do...."
"Why can't we all just listen to Tommy Fiero? BWAHAAHAHHAAHAAHAAHAA Sorry, couldn't resist."
"(The Mole has) gotta be BULL BUCHANAN. A shocking twist like this would shake the foundation of the WCW/WWF war."
"Folks, Buff Bagwell IS the WCW version of Billy Gunn. So expect him to be shoved down our throats and receive more title shots in the future."
"Shut up. Only some ignorant jackass WCW mark such as YOU would long for the days of the 20 minute Hogan promo with Bischoff on his knees su**ing his d**k till his face turns blue. Can't leave out the Hulkster playing AIR GUITAR on his WCW Title Belt can we? Or hows about that painted black beard that RULED? OH YEAH BABY! Hell buddy, lets turn the WCW invasion angle over to you! All you would have to do is pull Bischoff's d**k out of your a$$ and get Hogan's b**ls out of your mouth. While your at it, let Bishoff book the damn thing! Let him do contract negotiations as well! You foolish f**k, Bischoff murdered WCW, and marks such as yourself let him do it."
"It looked like Jericho yelled 'What was that for?' after being punched stiff by Bubba Ray on RAW. Anyone with insight on this, or did Bubba just get too close?"
"You stupid Buff Bagwell mark! He sucks get over it. He never did good ring work! I hate him! Why him to be pushed to main event?!! Why in god's name would u push him? Not even Booker T's educated feet (X-PAC RULZ!) and match charisma could save Buff Bagwell and the match. He is also troubvle in the back. WWF wasted money on him."
Fu**ing Undertaker. Someone should stab him in the nuts, that'll get him"
"Most Jericho fans are patient about his push, because they love him no matter who he is wrestling or what his character is, its the Internet fans who are the least patient people about."
"Didn't McMahon stop Livewire from taking phone calls, because the fans would call and ask questions about WCW? I remember one show, where a fan ask McMahon about the nWo."
"I think what makes Raven so awesome is vast understanding of wrestling psychology. Less is more in so many cases. I consider Raven the Jake Roberts of this generation, not the broken down alcoholic, but the Jake Roberts who could cut a promo that would make everyone stop in their tracks to hear every word."
"What are you talking aboot? Matt Brock is my father."
"I would rather eat a glass sandwich and s**t a chandelier then pay a wooden nickle to visit Bob Ryder's website."
"Yes the loveable AJ form the Sopranos,real name Robert Iller,has been arrested for robbing 2 teens of $40 and caught with marijuana.Kind of weird since that's where his character was goin. He's my fav character too."
"Whew, I thought you meant All Japan. WHY YOU GOTTA SCARE ME LIKE THAT"
"They don't care about the smart-ass internet wrestling fans, because we're not their target audience. The numbers are too small to even be considered a factor. Unless of course, you are Vince Russo."
"Raven was in ECW for more than a year (starting with the first ECW on TNN) and had not ONE good match, not a one. Sure, he was stuck fighting Tommy Dreamer & Justin Credible and was saddled with Paul E's clusterf**k booking, but you think he could have had ONE good match. I liked the old ECW Raven character as much as the next guy, but the guy is old, and beat up, and does not deserve a push for getting one good match out of Rhyno."
"A guy nearly 40 still doing a Kurt Cobain gimmick ain't gonna cut it. Where's Johnny Polo?"
"If you think that the best way to reduce cognitive dissonance and restore homeostasis to one's psyche is to hurt others physically or emotionally, then you're suffering from very serious nearsightedness."
"You found one of those "blanks" somewhere on the 'net where all you have to do is insert a person's name and a program automatically spits out the above form letter. How... quaint."
"Do NOT see Pootie Tang. I honestly wanted to kill myself after viewing that. If I paid to see movies, I would have demanded a refund from that movie."
"Perry Saturn: Weird lazy eye. Toxic Avenger: Mutated lazy eye, Perry Saturn: Skanky girlfriend. Toxic Avenger: Blind skanky girlfriend, Perry Saturn: Loves his mop. Takes it everywhere. Toxic Avenger: Loves his mop. Takes it everywhere., Perry Saturn: Has wrestled in Japan., Toxic Avenger: Has battled evil (his own FATHER!) in Japan., Perry Saturn: Sometimes wears womens clothing. Toxic Avenger: Wears a pink tutu., Perry Saturn: Goofy bastard. Toxic Avenger: Also goofy. Parentage unknown. Anybody else see the connections?"
"Oh do please bring back Tony Schiavone!!! I can't wait for him to call a match without even naming any moves. 'Great move!', 'What's he gonna do with that move!?', 'I don't think in my years of wreslting I've ever seen a move like THAT!', 'What's he doin' HERE!?' Oh please bring him back."
"If you had to pick a WCW commisioner to battle with William Regal who would you pick ? My personal choice would be Above Average Mike Sanders. Just give the guy the mic and let him go . The man is amazing on the mic and I loved his role as WCW commissioner when he had it. Also if you wanted to play up Shane as a face put him against Sanders as a heel. I would love to see the interaction between those two as it would make for extremley entertaining television."
"I think Maven, from Tuff Enuff is the mole..."
"These guys have started this petition to get Lilian Garcia her own section on WWFDIVAS.COM . I personally have been wanting this for a long time as i think Lilian is one hot lady!! So if u also think she's hot, then go sign the petition!!!!!!! The link is : http://www.petitiononline.com/DivaLili/petition.html"
"Lillian Garcia has fans? Really?"
Whew... a monster line-up.
You know, whenever I do one of these things I feel.... all the time I spend.... scouring....
I need a shower.
This is Hyatte
